It wasn't easy.. raising references to the critical events which had undoubtedly shaped me into who I am now.. it is exactly the kind of thoughts which is going through my mind right now. Pondering what would I have been if I had not made those so similar mistakes which I keep seeing people dropping themselves into..
I wonder.. if I hadn't been so thoroughly dropped myself into the idea of an early exit from studying.. would I have completed my studies and proceeded straight to a clear cut uni study and perhaps got myself a decent job and well.. straight into the rat race.
Looking at myself right now.. it seems that I m doing no differently.. juz perhaps.. that I had taken a longer route at it.
Then again..
I don't think I would have wanted things to happen any differently I guess.. I supposed its exactly the mistakes that I've made and learned that had defined the very person I m at the moment. *smiles* I wouldnt say that I had turned into a nice guy from dropping and pulling himself out of pitfalls.. a guy turns practical from that.. and know wheres the next hole and don't drop into it again..
Its just that..
Theres always the moments of weakness when the regrets came seeping in.. yup..
I've hurt a none too few people in my life
like I said.. I wasn't really a nice guy
well.. perhaps I've gotten better..
and realised that some things.. are either best left unsaid.. or undone
if things could be undone then..
Then.. the nice bits
I've met alot of nice people.. friend whom had accompanied through some of the most difficult bits of my life.. stayed on after I've screwed up my studies.. stayed on even when I was whining and going through a series of madness induced rampage after some of the most heartwrenching failures in my relationships.. and yes.. I am grateful.
And I must say that if not for these positive inserts into my life.. I would have turned much bitter in alot of respects.. compared to now that is..
That must have been wierd coming from a Sagitaurian.. but hey.. nothing is perfect
Another series of crooked ramblings from yours truly
Till the next crazed episode..
