Friends..
Alot of times I had tried to maintain a certain kind of moral dignity and to constantly remind myself not to be judgmental with the people I know, whether or not they may be doing something which I may not like. Realising the fact that no one may be truly alike, you would also realised that there is really no one whom you might find no fault with (therefore the reference where no man is a saint comes from). For me, whether they are just acquaintances, fair weathered friends, or truly close-personal friends. I've tried to treat them the same, given the same amount of priority with my limited amount of space, and time.
And having friends is all about finding the right people to be with, and to know if that person is the right kinda person, the kinda person whom you could comfortably sit down and crap about what you think, without having to constantly consider the potential landmines with the person you are crapping to.
Speaking bluntly had been one of my better virtues or curse for that matter, and there were actually times when I question myself if it was truly worth letting people know who I really am at times. There is a still this little part of me inside which tells me I should keep a little of myself inside, there might be people out there whom might try to hurt you for knowing you too well. And on the other hand, I know that in order for others to open up to you, I should always be the first to do it. It is this little dilemma which I had to deal with every single day when I go out there, and say hi to that bugger...
Then there is this friend whom told me something, she said,
"You could only be hurt by the amount that you want yourself to be hurt."
And I perfectly understand what she means and how she felt, but I guess I deal with things a little differently from her, and how the context of the sentence reflect on me. For me, to allow oneself to be hurt by someone would have to be someone whom mattered to me in the first place, and to be honest, there are quite a few people in this world whom matters. And they had earned my trust in many ways and many times before, and I could probably not envisage alot of certain circumstances where I would be hurt by them. And it does take quite abit for someone to reach the stage where their loss would mean alot to me.
With regards to the people whom I consider as friends but had not reach the stage where they would matter alot, its more like a points system where people in my life are constantly rated by their actions. Whether I truly matter to them, or if my feelings were part of their considerations and of course, in situations where they stick by you when the going gets rough. In all, actions speak louder than words, and words are cheap, I could tell you a million times that you are my best buddy in the world, but it only takes a single instance of thoughtless action to tell you how much that "best buddy" truly feels about you. And I could only say that I had been through alot of that, and I had been alot more forgiving than I used to.
It does feel wierd that I would actually rate my friends that way, but to be honest, I do not really have a chart which tells me where my friends really rank in terms of my affection for em. To me, all my friends do matter to me, whether its more or less, but I guess in my heart, I know whom are the persons whom do deserve that extra thought or that extra time from me. And to those whom I still call friends that would probably cause nothing more than a blip on my friendship radar when they disappear, I could only say... just too bad.
A penny of my thoughts...
Could I charge a dollar instead?
Alot of times I had tried to maintain a certain kind of moral dignity and to constantly remind myself not to be judgmental with the people I know, whether or not they may be doing something which I may not like. Realising the fact that no one may be truly alike, you would also realised that there is really no one whom you might find no fault with (therefore the reference where no man is a saint comes from). For me, whether they are just acquaintances, fair weathered friends, or truly close-personal friends. I've tried to treat them the same, given the same amount of priority with my limited amount of space, and time.
And having friends is all about finding the right people to be with, and to know if that person is the right kinda person, the kinda person whom you could comfortably sit down and crap about what you think, without having to constantly consider the potential landmines with the person you are crapping to.
Speaking bluntly had been one of my better virtues or curse for that matter, and there were actually times when I question myself if it was truly worth letting people know who I really am at times. There is a still this little part of me inside which tells me I should keep a little of myself inside, there might be people out there whom might try to hurt you for knowing you too well. And on the other hand, I know that in order for others to open up to you, I should always be the first to do it. It is this little dilemma which I had to deal with every single day when I go out there, and say hi to that bugger...
Then there is this friend whom told me something, she said,
"You could only be hurt by the amount that you want yourself to be hurt."
And I perfectly understand what she means and how she felt, but I guess I deal with things a little differently from her, and how the context of the sentence reflect on me. For me, to allow oneself to be hurt by someone would have to be someone whom mattered to me in the first place, and to be honest, there are quite a few people in this world whom matters. And they had earned my trust in many ways and many times before, and I could probably not envisage alot of certain circumstances where I would be hurt by them. And it does take quite abit for someone to reach the stage where their loss would mean alot to me.
With regards to the people whom I consider as friends but had not reach the stage where they would matter alot, its more like a points system where people in my life are constantly rated by their actions. Whether I truly matter to them, or if my feelings were part of their considerations and of course, in situations where they stick by you when the going gets rough. In all, actions speak louder than words, and words are cheap, I could tell you a million times that you are my best buddy in the world, but it only takes a single instance of thoughtless action to tell you how much that "best buddy" truly feels about you. And I could only say that I had been through alot of that, and I had been alot more forgiving than I used to.
It does feel wierd that I would actually rate my friends that way, but to be honest, I do not really have a chart which tells me where my friends really rank in terms of my affection for em. To me, all my friends do matter to me, whether its more or less, but I guess in my heart, I know whom are the persons whom do deserve that extra thought or that extra time from me. And to those whom I still call friends that would probably cause nothing more than a blip on my friendship radar when they disappear, I could only say... just too bad.
A penny of my thoughts...
Could I charge a dollar instead?
posted by Azmodeus at 1:19 AM
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